Confessions of a Band Geek
by cuteyflutey
Summary: random anecdotes....don't be offended, please.
1. Clarinet?

It all began in the fourth grade. I can't recall why, but my teacher played the class a recording of an orchestra. One part was especially high- pitched and was pointed out as the piccolo. My poor little fourth-grade mind got this info slightly jumbled. So, one week later, when it was time to sign up for the school "band", I circled 'clarinet'.  
  
No one immediately realized my mistake. My grandmother told me stories about how she used to play the clarinet. She wished she still had her instrument; we could play duets! It motivated me to sit and squawk away every day after school. Needless to say, I didn't improve much.  
  
Band was at 8:00 am for half an hour every Tuesday and Thursday. (This was very early back then. It was very painful to wake up in time.) Once, I got to school only to realize that my clarinet case was empty: no clarinet. I panicked until that afternoon it was discovered that my two-years-old sister thought it was a cool toy. She had hidden the clarinet behind the couch and eaten my cork grease. It was in one of those chapstick tubes and she liked eating chapstick.  
  
Four months later, I gave up the squeaky black tube because my fingers were too narrow to properly cover the keys. 


	2. Wait...a trumpet?

Flutes are not allowed in jazz band. This has always made me very…upset. Jazz music always sounds so cool, and the jazz bands are always considered to have the best players. Unfortunately, they don't allow the best instrument in.  
  
There was a year when I honestly considered playing the trumpet so I could get into jazz band. I'd still be able to play flute in concert band, right? So technically, that wasn't going over to the dark side, right?  
  
At any rate, my mom thought this was a grand idea. Upon reflection, I wonder if we'd had an argument the day she agreed to that. I mean, imagine me as a trumpet player:  
  
I'd have to drop honors math, trumpet players can't count. My mom offered to get me lessons, but what good would that do me? IT'S THE TRUMPET FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! It just screams "muahahahaha! You can't play me properly!"  
  
Oh, and I could just forget ever having a lovely tone. Trumpets can't get a decent note to sound without sticking solely to the most simple tunes. And high notes would be out of the question. What a handicap for a flutist! No high notes! No more piccolo playing! Sooner or later, the trumpet part would consume me and I'd be force to play it all the time! There's just no such thing as "just for jazz".  
  
Not to mention weight. The trumpet's such a heavy thing compared to my beautiful flute. I don't know if I could handle that…  
  
Alright, so I happen to be a procrastinator, but that's just one characteristic I share with the trumpets. Do I really want to develop all those others?  
  
I'm not a brass player. I'd probably die from asphyxiation while trying to play a particularly long phrase, my final thoughts being, "Why, oh, why couldn't I have stayed on the flute?"  
  
In case you were wondering, I never did play the trumpet. My mom was too lazy to take me to the music store to rent one. 


	3. Braces.

It is a terrible thing to play the flute or the piccolo and have braces.  
  
Of course, it's a horrible thing to simply have braces. But especially bad with an instrument.  
  
Reed instruments have it so easy. They put their mouth piece in their mouth and it doesn't have to touch their braces at all.  
  
Brass I assume could get painful after a while.  
  
But a flute is just torture.  
  
Sound quality is completely dependent on making sure the flute is pressed firmly against your lower lip. This effectively punctures you with a row of little metal spikes. It hurts!  
  
So then your embouchure gets all messed up because you try and adjust so you don't kill yourself on the braces. And it's a good thing for your mouth, but horrific for your playing…  
  
Next you develop calluses where the braces hit you so playing is a little easier for a while.  
  
Until they take your braces off, two and a half years later.  
  
You might as well return to beginning band. It's practically impossible to remember how you're supposed to play now. You rely on the braces, but they're not there. You've changed everything so you don't hit them, and now your flute isn't even touching your mouth. You look, and feel, like a gorilla.  
  
Still, it's so nice to have an entire tooth again… 


End file.
